- Enasculin Ensaculin: Treats dementia by demolishing your ego!
- Lord Adonis: Not a 19th-century dandy, just of Greek heritage.
- Paedocommunion: Involves priests. Plus, “pedo” with a dipthong just sounds like molestation.
- Republican Marriage: Not the opposite of same-sex marriage. In fact, some would say that all marriages have a similar effect.
- Lesbian Wine: Not actually produced at Larry Flynt’s ancestral grange in Broussy-le-Petit, but rather on the island of Lesbos.
- Anal Language: “Not to be confused with the Anus Language”
- Boring Lava Field: But only compared to Mount Ranier.
In honor of Pleasant Grove City v. Summum, in which the Supreme Court ruled that Pleasant Grove, Utah could reject the request to display a tablet containing the Seven Aphorisms of Summum in a public square, here are some other curios of American jurisprudence.
There has only been one case directly relating to the Third Amendment (billeting soldiers in private homes) Engblom v. Carey, where housing used by corrections officers was used by the National Guard. The case established the National Guard as military when on operations and that renters received equal protections as owners under the Constitution.
But the United States Supreme Court can weigh in on higher matters, such as the nature of tomatoes. In Nix v. Hedden, the court determined that for the purposes of tariffs and taxes, tomatoes were vegetables, because that’s how people serve them. Toy Biz v. United States, asserted that its superhero figures were not dolls because they weren’t really human. Bratz dolls are somehow unaffected.
Are you concerned whether that lustful glance at your sister was a mortal sin, or just venal? Was it on Sunday? Did you look twice? Did you enjoy it? These are all difficult questions, ones that require serious thought.
But some people don’t think they’re useful. They say it’s as meaningless as asking “How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?” But then the Salamanca School explained that interest wasn’t usury if you were a bank, so a lot of people stopped caring about the debates. They argued that capital can make value. Fairly advanced, perhaps, but they were a little lacking in the biology department. For example, they declared that the giant, fugly rodent called the Capybara was a fish for the purposes of eating it on Friday because it spent most of its time in water, like that fish called a Dolphin.
Of course it was probably more because it was an easy excuse to stuff your face with delicious snub-nosed beaver. But at the end of the day it won’t matter too much – unless of course the rapture is before the return of Christ Triumphant, and not after. Then, all Catholics are screwed.
For this month of December, when everyone is subjected to the ceaseless repetition of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, I offer this list of other un-famous classical pieces you probably already know.
- Delibe: The Flower Duet, (Youtube) from Lakmé really demonstrates Léo Delibes’s ability to write gorgeous melodies. Also to sell chocolates on airplanes. A real renaissance man. (Youtube)
- Of course you’ve heard this (supposedly) Bach organ piece in every horror comedy and weekday nights on MSNBC sometime between 9-10PM EST, bud did you know its status as BWV 565 is in doubt because it contains consecutive fifths and it is scientific fact that Bach can do no wrong…? (Youtube)
- Not as famous as the Messiah “Halelujah,” but the Händel coronation anthem “Zadok The Priest” still makes its way into popular culture occasionally. (Youtube)
- Most non-musicians also know the finale of the William Tell Overture, but also often heard but not well known is the “Ranz des Vaches” right before that, which is used regularly in, uh, Looney Tunes to set pastoral scenes. (Youtube – the more famous part at about 2:35)
- Similarly, the Grieg piece “Morning Mood” is used in cartoons and pop culture to indicate a peaceful morning. Interestingly, Grieg wrote it to represent the glory of the sun rising in Egypt. (Youtube) The piece is part of the Peer Gynt suite, which also includes the very famous “In the Hall of the Mountain King.”
- Also, if you’ve ever needed some latin flair, or dance music, you go for Libertango, by Astor Piazzolla. (Youtube). It is essentially the go-to song of modern tango.
- Gropecunt Lane: Al Mustashriqa almost slapped me when I mentioned this place.
- Hipgnosis: This cleverly-named artistic group designed a number of fantastic psychedelic album covers.
- Centralia, PA : This mining town is an unfortunate victim of a large coal fire that makes the ground smoke and children fall into holes, leading to an exodus, eventually making the smallest town in Pennsylvania, beating out…
- S.N.P.J.: A town that exists essentially so that a Slovenian cultural society can drink liquor on Sundays.
- Strap-on dildo: This article is disconcertingly thorough.